Eureka
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"My life is a stale piece of bread. 'Ein Altes Brot' is what the Germans would say. It's dry, crusted when you hold it. It's not an organic piece of nutrition you'd ingest to sustain life. Or rather it's the week old crap your dog took on a sidewalk that's just begging to imprinted by some sole of a shoe just so it can have any shape before it gets dried in that position forever. Or is the bird crap on your car windshield that's pleading to be washed off so you can enjoy a pleasant perfect view. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm talking about animal crap but it's a little inappropriate, or actually, it is completely appropriate 'cause it's exactly how I feel about my life, about my self and everything that is left unsaid that gets swallowed by silence. Other than how I feel, I'm tired, just tired. Like this one time my friend was really depressed and all he did was just sleep. He would sleep all day, wake up during the evening and just go back to sleep. And lately I've been sleeping like the dead, resting in peace. Well like I said, I'm just tired. I'm tired of life. It's the addiction of television. It's the signing on AIM for hours. It's the endless hours spent just doing nothing. I haven't read a book in years. Dust on my skateboard is an inch thick. I haven't eaten anything green in 152 days unless you count those green Nerds I've had, which in that case would just been 10 minutes ago. I'm at a moo point. I just feel numb. If you stabbed in the face I would just blink. I'm just too comfortable with nothing stirring me. You know like my friend once told me, he liked to feel either cold or really hot because the discomfort made him feel alive, which was better than just being comfortable. And someone needs to turn up the thermostat in my life or lower it, whichever. I want just whatever that would just give me some feeling. But I suppose it'll get better. I mean the fact that I'm saying this and acknowledging this problem shows that I know something's wrong. And I think that's the first step in the 12 Step program. I need to go some rehab where they treat patient who have no feeling or have no life. So some day I can just stop treading water and swim or dive below. I'll pick my skateboard or I start reading that book my friend gave me for Christmas. I'll just eat vegetables or whatever. I just want to smile and laugh. And to feel something. To take sun showers and just to shiver." Shiver Eureka Sun Showers Nerds Life |
